de⋅ac⋅ti⋅vate
1.
to cause to be inactive; remove the effectiveness of.

This is a definition of deactivate from dictionary.com that I found. I recently deactivated my Facebook b/c I felt that my growth in the Lord has been complacent. I am a social person but after reading a book called Feminine appeal. I was convicted on self-control yet again and lack of it in my life. Sin in our lives can deactivate us for the Lord. I was not being effective for the Lord in my life. I was praying for others and ministering through messages ect. I am not saying Facebook is evil or wrong for believers. It is my sin that I had to repent of. The sin of procrastination, pride, seeking man's approval, and spending time on the computer to remove myself from my daily life as a break... a get-away. In the book it asked us what we had as relaxation that was a sin, some watch T.V. and stay up late and then they get up late and not available to serve their family. I have always been a night person, and now reading this book I was convicted by the words written in it that. The book said it was sin of pride. I just was heart broken at what I had done and at the realization of how much I had been stealing precious minutes to prepare for my family. I was heart broken at the sin I had committed towards God. I was heart broken on not listening and obey His Word.

The Lord has always laid on my heart who to pray for and when. Why had I suddenly lost that Trust and think I needed to find others on my own to minister to through Facebook? Why had I become so fleshy? Because I am sinner.

Another thing that I allowed Facebook in feeding my sin nature to do is remove me out of making real relationships with others and just relate through comments or likes. No one needs me to like their comment who am I? I am just dust. No one needs my comments. No one needs my quoting of scripture. God wants me to be a biblical woman who will surrender and submit to His Will in all areas in my life. He does not need me, but I must make Him my only need. He is the provider of all my needs. I lost sight of that. I need to pray for others to need the Lord. I need to pray for others to be thirsty for His Word.

Yet I found my sinful pride being fed to a dangerous level. It is so easy to feed my non willingness to really listen to God and think I can help others but also to not allow the Lord to guide and lead me in my relations. Pride is such a horrible sin. God despises the proud.

Facebook's positive mark on my life. Humility. I read in the book about purity and how we should not think that we are above temptation. I am not tempted to look at someone or be unfaithful. I am not tempted by drugs or pornography.... oh but there are many other sins and lusts that I have and as James 1:13-14 says " Let no man say when he is tempted, I am tempted of God: for God cannot be tempted with evil, neither tempteth he any man: But every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his own lust, and enticed". My lusts are pride, seeking others approval, praise, and many more... By the Holy Spirit has the Lord convicted me and how truly grateful I have spent time in His Word and His Word has washed me clean yet again in my life.

I don't want to be deactivated in serving my family for the Lord. I don't want to be ineffective. I cherish that the Lord has given me a family and called us to the life He has for us whatever that may hold good things or bad. I want to not be only earth bound but to see and intentionally live Kingdom focus. I have fallen very short of that.

Now that more scales have been removed and light shown into the depths of the dark corners of my deceived heart. I repent. I cherish that He has given me a husband who loves God and God's Word. I cherish that I have two healthy beautiful boys that God has provided me to fulfill their needs. I need to obey God and be a helper to my husband and biblical mother to my boys. Therefore yet again at the beginning of a new year I find myself on my knees in repentance and surrendering to the Lord to be Lord and dying more to myself by His grace. So thankful He gives us a helper the Holy Spirit to help us accomplish His plans for our lives and not our prideful desires.

Here is the scripture I am praying over my life...Romans 13:14

But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh in regard to its lusts.

What do you want to be son?

So I asked my son who is going to be 12 in one month yesterday," What do you want to be when you grow up? "
He said "Mom I am just trying hard to be a kid." I said, " Oh yeah," and he said, " Yeah, I want to be kid for little longer." I said, "Ok." My eight year old when asked says, " I am going to be chef". I said, " Are you sure, you are only eight that is big decision to make for the rest of your life." He said, " Yes, I am." The oldest one does not surprise me b/c he is just big ole kid. He still wants to sit on my lap and hug. Which is fine I am trying to hug him as much as I can b/c soon he will be grown and thinking about moving on his own. It is 6 years to him being 18.

My younger one does not surprise either he has been talking about having his own restrauant since he was six and we were out on a mommy and son date. He told me as we sat waiting on our pizza he was going to have one and there would be tables for kids and adults. I asked him why and if he wanted to sit on his own and he said no. I just want to be able to touch the floor.
Then I began thinking how I as mother would be to them when they were grown and found myself thinking I know how to be a mom to a kid but how to be a mom to a grown son is whole new thing I need to be praying about. Thank you Lord for helping me see I need to prepare but also helping me cherish the time and "Be still". I am just trying hard to be a mom and reminding me even though my feet touch the floor I still have growing to do in You.

Humbled.....

So Christmas this year I learned about the true gift of Christ in Christmas and Forgiveness. I received a gift from someone I did not want to thank. I know you are thinking and this person calls herself a Christian. My did the Lord humble me on my self-righteousness. I did end up thanking but first I had to repent of my anger and unforgiveness and confess to the person before thanking them but in my thank you I spoke of the Lord and His glory and It was Him who had them do give it, and Him who drew me to receive the gift, and Him that allowed me to repent and Him that Forgave. I have been in church for years and spend daily time in the Word. Also after this God did not stop there. I was so amazed b/c this gift that the person gave me was something I thought was lost, I had to sacrifice it ealier in the year. All this year several things happened to build upon this moment. God still in His mercy and grace and knowing I had this seed of bitterness growing in my heart still did this beautiful thing. Not that Christ and the cross was not enough for this old sinner and not that I don't get all emotional when I hear Mary did you Know or Emmanuel but This Christmas at age 35 the Lord my beautiful Savior taught me how to remain repentant, humble, and forgiving toward all mankind and allow Him to be the Judge, The King, The Rebuker and The Redeemer, The Restorer. Right before I was given the gift I had studied in Genesis about how God protected Sarah when she was with King Abilimech and how God protected the King by not allowing him to touch her and He went to Abraham and asked him why he lied and how God forgave Abraham and redeemed Sarah again. Not by any means am I Sarah but what a wonderful scripture to study and How the Holy Spirit prepares our hearts to repent.
As I pondered all this happening and was blessed yet again to spend Christmas with my family and my parents. My mom had recently had an operation and was home For Christmas but then fell ill again. We all were up and down praying just being restless. I was up with her one night and I was sharing with her about my gift and then she said Paige all you have to do is call out to Jesus and He is and will finish molding you and making you into the godly woman you so desire to be b/c your heart is in line with God just trust. I got up and went and read out of devotion as my mom lay there in peace even though she was so ill. The devotion said even Christ who was God and is God did put Himself equal to God but served Him unto death. How arrogant I had been and How much Joy filled my heart knowing that He had forgiven me for putting myself equal to him and how humbled I was and willing to just serve now and be content to serve unto death. Romans tells us to live at peace with everyone with every effort and leave room for God's wrath. My How thankful I am He is a Holy God.