My Chains are Gone...Like a flood His Mercy reigns

My Chains are gone I have been set free!!!!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K-mNT0axB9U

As I write this, I listen to one of my favorite songs of all time. Amazing Grace by Chris Tomlin.
2010 is a year that my husband and I have prayed and longed for since 2002. I remember the day as if it were yesterday, wracked with guilt anxiety and stress. We were a negative in the bank, the creditors were calling, and the bills were going no where. We were in debt 30,000 in credit card debt. Nothing really substantial to show for it either just clothes and shoes really. We had old furniture, old house, and young children. How had this happened we only had 12,000 dollars worth of debt and my hubby's school loan when we had moved into our first home as a young married couple with child. We gone from that to having house debt, van debt, credit card debt and don't forget a 20,000 dollar student loan we had fallen 3 months behind on. Well, I will tell you not being saved, not walking with God, not being wise with our money, sick children and medical bills paid by credit cards, our youngest got RSV and for more than one months both children suffered ear infections and sometimes we have 500 dollars worth antibiotics we had to pay for.. when you have a tight budget and not walking with God, you pay for it with a credit card... and buying without having the cash flow to really support dressing my kids in all the best brands, buying gifts for others to make myself feel better, trying to fill a hole that only God could fill and trying to get past guilt of sin and trying to save myself without confessing and turning to God. Basically living above our means and thinking wants were needs, entrapped with worldly possessions. Oh, and let's not forget PRIDE!! Pride is a sin I fight daily!! Pride has lot to do with any sin in our lives and it goes hand in hand with debt and money issues.

So on that summer day in 2002 I was sitting on my porch smoking, yet another intelligent thing to do...NOT! That is another thing the Lord broke me of for another post, but for those wondering I am free of that chain for almost 6 years now. I was pouring my heart out to a christian friend and she said you have to get a grip and turn to God. I knew all about the right thing to say do I had been raised in church, but all the info had not become heart knowledge, it was all head. I wanted to blame my husband, he was supposed to be the business man, the head of the home, why had he not been more strong and controlled me. LOL! For those of you who knew me when you know how strong I am and independent I used to be... She also suggested which was my only option at the time to call the credit counseling agency and see if they could consolidate my bills and work something.. Me being the hypocrite carnal lost christian game player... I just knew this was answered prayer that God would provide. You see then my view was God was this big Genie in a bottle that came in cleaned up my messes and grant me desires b/c He loved me.. Like Santa Claus... Do you see how self serving this God is? Not me serving Him and needing to die to myself. I mean I had this christian friend that was affirmation, and all that day I kept seeing all these commercials for them so it had to be a sign right, and God want us to prosper... See how shallow my faith was, if you even want to call it faith. It was me making a God I wanted to my selfish desires, me thinking I knew best not really knowing God who He is or even going to His word. Me being an Idolater...But one thing kept ringing in my head it was a sin to be in debt and you can not serve two masters... Thank the Lord, He is long suffering and gentle in His correction of this stupid wretch of a sinner.. Thank the Lord for Mercy and Grace.

So we did do credit counseling, and all the while began really getting involved in church. God had a plan. Thank the Lord in His Mercy He a had plan. I was a slave to my sin. I still had not been set free. I was still playing a game and my heart had not been renewed nor my mind. I was not a living sacrifice. I was still making Idols. Our marriage went through hard times as well, the blame game. The bitterness seed grew in my heart towards my husband, why I don't know I was just as much to blame as he but you see I twisted that head of the household thing that God talks about to my advantage.... Twisting the Word to my view, another sin. Do you see how soaked in sin all this is? How death is the plan's of man? How you should not lean on your own understanding? How you should avoid evil, and run to God? Well in this time guilt over all this hidden sin in our lives was driving me crazy and in my own strength I thought I could figure out what God wanted. I started changing trying to submit, trying to respect my hubby, trying to be happy about staying at home, trying to share the gospel, trying to be a perfect mom, well God did change me in some points in all that but I still was not fully surrendering to His Word, His Way, His Will.. but Mercy and Grace He loved me and was faithful while I sinned and still remained faithless, sermons and God's word, and books with God's word kept convicting me, people that were brought into my life convicted, songs, you name God was after me with a vengeance and with a fervent Holy love. So we did the counseling for a few years and then we realized it was ruining our credit worse than bankruptcy, but that Pride of mine was not going to do that I had gotten this debt. We were going to pay it back b/c after all I was a christian woman, I had to pay back my debt...see how I justified myself? See the pride? Uggh, it still disgusts me to think how foolish I am. But God in His Mercy worked a opp. I prayed, my hubby prayed, we did confess and we repented over this sin many times and begged God to save us and deliver us. He didn't have to just to be saved and not going to hell is enough but in His Mercy He did something above we could dream or hope or pray for Ephesians 3:19. Never think even in your mixed up thinking that you can't cry out to God for His Mercy.. for even when we don't know how to pray the Holy Spirit Moans and Groans on our behalf. My husband's employer is ConocoPhillips and gas was doing awesome. My hubby's stocks and retirement had built up where we could get a loan and pay off this debt and loose a little interest money but pay ourselves back. It was our only option our credit was so bad no one would loan us money, my parents even had to cosign on our cars so we could get one. We paid for the cars but still talk about humbling to be an adult and still need you parents to cosign..But God humbles the proud. I am thankful to my parents too they have helped us many a time.
So we did this loan and it would be paid off in 5 years. 2010 was the year 30,000 would finally be paid off. Now, remember I told you we had hard times in marriage, we did. My children have suffered b/c of our debt too. Because we have to go without some things, not live in the nicest area and live in an older home. That was another humbling thing. I had always grown up living in the best area and going to the best schools. Maybe not the fanciest house but still the best school district. I was spoiled with love and things. This was hard to learn what are wants and what are needs but God is Holy and He does discipline those He loves. I also learned how to make what I have beautiful with out a lot of money. It was also humbling to not be able to buy gifts when I wanted to, clothes when I wanted to, and sometimes we would only have 20 dollars but plenty of groceries to last to the next pay day. I hated living that way b/c if someone got sick I may not have the co pay. But we always were able to pay our bills and God would help us make through those hard weeks and teach me to be frugal, wise, and good house manager and help mate to my hubby. He provided babysitting kids when we needed money, He provided little bonus checks when needed it. He always provided for our needs, and even provided for us when we were helping others. I know sounds crazy but we would allow people to live with us and minister to others even when we had little. That was another humbling thing for me and my hubby we realized how our sin of debt affected work for the kingdom of God. He gave us new desires and new hearts and new minds during all this, because you see he works all things out for His glory. My husband and I are very generous hearted people I am not saying that to boast. We love others and we love to minister, We had to learn how to serve and do God's work with out money and using all that we could do physically. I also learned I don't need money to show others I love them. We also learned how to tithe first then pay bills. That was big lesson to learn to Trust God and realize it's not ours anyway, it's all God's.

The last lesson I learned was we were doing well almost to the finish line of 2010 and we had a set back in our finances. I had been saved and we were walking with God and we were in the word and learning who God is. Yet never think even though you have confessed and repented you are above temptation is this lesson. My hubby made a mistake and with a tight budget if you get behind kinda hard to catch up. He didn't want to tell me and He tried to fix it on his own. Which made things worse. I had planned on not babysitting and was down to two kiddos and was going to be good time b/c they were going to school. I would still watch them but it was less money but nice to have no diapers and no babies for the first time in many years. But this happened. So God in his Mercy had been having this lady want me to babysit for months and I kept saying no I am retired. Then David confessed and we were behind again. I was so Mad!!! It was only 600 dollars but still how were going to do that and still tithe and do all we are supposed to do. So in that anger I went and sold my wedding ring. Remember all those lessons God was teaching me, I still had more pride, bitterness, and anger to work out of my sinful heart. Refiners fire here it came again. I used the money to get us caught up but after much talking and scared I could not be totally vulnerable to my hubby I reluctantly took the babysitting job. I grew so angry and bitter towards my husband though. Why did I have to take on another job? Why didn't he, he was the one that messed up? He was supposed to be our head and provider? Were we not mature in our walk by now after all this to be walking in victory? Why did God not change David? Why Did God not answer my prayers for both of us? I was so angry that it was a battle for our marriage. Some days I wanted to leave and just be like fine I will support our family. I was so mad b/c I thought he was not being a good example as a godly man to our boys. I would have to do it. Do you see a pattern here again? Is this what God's word says about wife and mother? No . Is this How God wanted me to be? No. This time I knew the word and I would pray it and dear Fellow believers were praying for us. We made it and God showed me He was Provider, He is over my husband, but He allows things to grow me more into His Son's image. He taught me I am still weak and it is only by His mercy and grace am I His child and do I obey His Word. He taught I am trust and obey and I must even if my flesh says not too and circumstances can look, God hates divorce, He has created me to be David's help mate. He showed me David is human, not perfect, God doesn't expect me to be perfect, He loves me and changes me in his timing and I am to pray for my husband. Had I not messed up and confessed to God and wanted forgiveness, redemption, restoration and deliverance and help form Him, yet I was not willing to do the same for my husband? He also taught me He has made my husband into a godly man, and that is exactly who He wants to walk with me and raise our children. I must submit and Trust God. Had God not saved me and changed me, are not His ways higher, am I not to lean on Him instead of my own understanding? Has not Satan done this before with Eve in the garden tempting her, twisting the word, had she not wanted to know better than God, had she not fought for headship over Adam? am I not of the same sin nature and only by Grace have I been saved and His righteousness that clothes me? Am I not to be completely and totally dependent on God? Must I forgive and empty myself as Christ did for me? You see when we go to the cross all our pride should die, all of being should die and realize He paid it all and we are to obey and follow and be a Christ follower. I confessed and repented and fell to my knees and begged for forgiveness and then I had to forgive and ask to be forgiven by my husband. David had been praying and repenting too and we began to study the bible together and we prayed scripture over our lives, marriage and family. I sold my ring that July, In December of all months God had someone return my ring. There was only one set of friends at the time that knew where I had sold it. These friends were going through a divorce at the time and we had prayed for their marriage to be saved but they still divorced but God had this person be the one to return my ring. When she bought my ring she was letting go of her marriage it was Only God who could have laid it on her heart to do something like that. God is Mercy and Forgiveness. that story has a whole another day too... But God is the one who saves us, saves our marriages. I was overwhelmed at Christmas to say the least and deep lesson that Christmas. Here I was ugly and angry and horrible and sold my wedding ring to try and fix something and bring embarrassment to my husband and shame. I was being vengeful... Yet God did not shame me, He should have spanked me hard, but He granted me Mercy and forgiveness and RESTORED...Still have tears when I look at my ring on a daily basis. Not that riches or jewelery will be worth anything when we face our king; but for God to do that in a personal detail in my life overwhelms me at How loving of a Creator? How can I not obey, surrender and serve and do whatever He asks, Romans says its God's goodness that brings conviction of the sinner.... ponder that. I don't deserve anything but hell, yet He saved me. I just stand in awe at that.

So the ending to our story. We paid off the debt, I am no longer babysitting. I am completely dependent on God to provide by my husband. I love my husband more every day and am happy to be home and homeschooling our boys. I am happy in my wonderful old home and would willing to give up anything God calls me to? My husband is a very godly man and great leader. David has savings in our bank and he has followed through and gotten counsel from a pastor friend, by reading the Dave Ramsey plan ,and God's word. He sought God and His word and obeyed. Our marriage is stronger and better because of the trials and good times. We now confess to each other nightly sin we are struggling with and pray before we sleep. We read God's word daily together. We no longer see wants as needs and God is growing us even more to care less about things.. but care about Kingdom work.We both believe marriage is a witness of Jesus and the church and not about us or our wants or desires or comforts. Marriage is to bring Glory to God. We also have both been fighting another sin, food. I have lost 33 lbs and David has lost 23lbs in six weeks. God is might to Save! 2010 is a big year in our lives and huge spiritual marker for both of us. I am sure we will face many more trials. But we serve an amazing HOLY GOD who holds us by a MIGHTY RIGHT Hand. We may stumble He will not let us fall. God saved and corrected us, He provided for us, He changed us, He restored us, and He broke our chains of debt. He will continue to break our chains b/c Jesus came to set the captive free. We serve a Resurrected Savior! But we must all humble ourselves, confess and repent. He provides streams in the deserts and roads in the wilderness. Listen to the song above!!

Landon Riley Douglas is 13!!

March 26, 2010 our oldest turned 13.

Some people have said oh, you are parent of a teenager.

Then they follow with.We will be praying for you. Then many laughs abound or giggles.

When Landon turned 10 I feared this day. I was foolish to fear; but in God's mercy, He guided me to pray and seek scripture to pray for my child. I must say I am not fearful and I am actually enjoying it and excited.

I have seen God work many things in our lives with Landon and I trust God with him. I have asked for God to guide on us to lead him biblical and give him friends that are truth seekers. I have asked God to slay Landon with law of His Word so he will see he is a sinner and in need of a savior.
Do we have frustrating times and does Landon sin? Yes, but b/c God has intervened in our lives it is going to be a wonderful adventure.

Landon is all heart. He is funny and is learning to be more self controlled. But I could not nor would dream of having any other son other than Landon. He is smart and understands when you teach the bible and other topics. He loves science and geography. He loves people. He has a tender and compassionate heart. He is sensitive and strong! He loves the color green and camo! He loves to be active!! Landon is a rule follower and very black and white. He does love quality time spent with him and he is very loving towards us. He also loves HUMOR!! We laugh a lot together. Another one of his loves are his animals. He loves his dog and he loves learning and working with his Pop's horses. Landon also respects his elders. He loves his grandparents especially His Pop!! He may fight at times with his brother , but we know he loves him b/c he worries and is protective over his brother even in advising his father and I on what his brother can handle watching or doing. He does get concerned if something will scare Parker.

We love Landon very much. God has used him to make us into the kind of parents He wants us to be and we are so grateful God gave us him our firstborn son. Our family is blessed to have him. We enjoy his heart of compassion and his humor.

We celebrated with his friends that God has provided and went laser tagging. I say God provided them b/c our prayer has been that God send godly friends and remove evil influences out of our sons lives. God answers prayers. I was so awed by God's goodness when this group of boys came to our house. I love them and their families and only God could have brought this all about. I could not have picked it on my own nor my husband. I am so grateful God called us to home school, and then led us to a great group of homeschooling people who have the same heart in raising children to glorify God and Honor Him. We both have been so grateful for all that God has brought into Landon's life and ours. We know that the teenage years will be exciting, learning, hard, fun, bittersweet, but mostly we looked forward because we serve an amazing God and when you commit your ways to Him the journey is so much easier and rewarding! It only encourages us more to memorize scripture, pray it over our children, and be doers of the Word for God's glory and His purpose for our lives and our sons.

We love you Landon Riley and pray everyday for you to love the Lord with all your heart, mind, soul and strength. We looked forward to seeing you grow into the man wants you to be!! We pray for you to be a Psalm 15 man.

TRUSTING GOD

"If we can't believe God when circumstances against us, we do not believe him at all."
Charles Spurgeon


Trusting God no matter the circumstances has been a huge lesson for me this whole year. I am learning to trust God in many areas and I have become so awed by His overflowing love. Have you had those moments in your spiritual walk where you just fall in love all over with the Lord? As a believer it is so exciting to see new believers when they get saved. It reminds you of the kind of zeal and fervor you should have on a daily basis. It reminds you how grateful to be when you are saved. It's relief that you are not going to burn for eternity. It is indescribable the moment you see what a sinner you are, the need of a savior, and the peace that comes from knowing God has showed mercy and saved you. It renews you and refreshes you especially if you have been walking with the Lord for while and been going through a trial. Just as spring, babies, and even baby animals can bring a sweet smile to your face. It is beautiful to see a Christ follower on fire for the Lord. It tells us in God's word when we seek Him we will find Him, but you have to seek with all your heart. I have learned to just seek and Him and really just pray and ask for Him to enable me to commit all my ways to him no matter the circumstance.

When a loved one hurts you, can you just let it go and forgive and not react but respond with God's grace every time? When I do my daily chores can I just praise God for all the blessings even if it is something like potty training which takes a lot of patience and consistency? When I clean up the accidents can I have a happy heart while doing it every single time? Can I ignore other's heart conditions that treat me with no respect and disregard me as if I were of no value? Can I breath life into my husband and children with encouraging words instead of criticism? Can I fight depression and self pity? Can I encourage my friends to keep their eyes on God and His Word? Can I encourage with God's word and not my own? Can I be bold and stand firm in my convictions even when facing opposition or persecution? Am I committed to God and what He tells me even if all leave and forsake that are human? Can I not get lazy? Can I not procrastinate? Can I not give into temptation? Can I be disciplined every day to my quiet time and exercise? When someone hates you because the Christ in you makes them uncomfortable can I just not worry about it, nor feel any anger towards them? Can I just not be insecure? When my child sins can I not see it as a personal reflection, not let my pride get in the way and correct without punishing, and just see how God is working and what He wants me to do? Can I be content in all circumstances and keep joyful in trial and tribulation? Can I praise God through a storm or valley? Can I just be still and empty myself out for the Lord and only for His glory and not for Him to praise me or others to think I am good?

All of these I answer no to. I can not do it on my own, but with the Holy Spirit I can! He will guide me and mold me into a yes. He has and will continue to in my walk with Him. In that I am awed. In that I am humbled and grateful!! In death and resurrection of Christ our Lord am I set free! I am so thankful for learning to TRUST and KNOW God. I am awed that I am being allowed to die to self and live in Christ.

By the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace was not in vain. On the contrary I work harder than any of them, though it was not I but the grace of God that is with me. 1 Cor. 15:10
And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that having all sufficiency in ALL things at ALL times, you may abound in every good work. 2Cor. 9:8

But He emptied himself, taking the form of a bond servant, and being made in the likeness of men. Phillipians 2:7

John MaCArthur says "Jesus did not give up his deity but set aside certain prerogatives. For one thing He gave up His heavenly glory..."

Ouch! How many times do I do righteous acts to receive glory or praise from man/woman and even try to work to impress God instead of just obeying and doing out pure humility and love and pure awe of a Holy God we serve. Do I so openly empty myself for our Lord to glorify Him and only to glorify ? Have I emptied myself in comparison to Christ is what I ask myself? No.

Oh but what a Savior we have that did so for us while we were ones who rejected Him.

Oh, Lord I pray help me become more appreciative of the sacrificial humility you did on my behalf... Forgive my shortsightedness and my self absorption, my pride and help me to not boast of anything but remain on my knees and my eyes upon you to Praise You for all You so mercifully bestow and so steadfastly endure to love this sinner and so grateful I am to begin to see a small portion of Your Glory. So thankful that You, Lord supply a man to preach Your Truth like John MaCArthur and Your word to convict my heart....

John MaCArthur says that the absence of boasting tells volumes about their character. Then He used the verse from 1Samuel 2:3 " Boast no more so very proudly, do not let arrogance come out of your mouth; For the Lord is a God of knowledge; and with Him actions are weighed."

I pondered this and thought how convicting this was to me personally on not to boast nor be arrogant in anything I can do. Nor even boast about the gifts the Lord gave me. I know not to be prideful for whatever the Lord gives, he can take away. I recently did have to let go of something I had great pride in. I didn't realize that the lesson would include this too. Even in gifts that God mercifully give us we can be prideful, like our family, our church, our friends, and then things too like gifts, homes, finances, anything. This lesson has brought to be content in God and God alone. I have had so many lessons the past months that God is enough. God is enough if you don't have a husband, ( which I have been blessed to have a husband, but seeing dear friends become a widow or go through divorce, or just be temporarily in a different town away from a spouses been witness to me.) God is enough if you don't have a child, (which I do watching others lose theirs to illness, miscarriages, spiritual lostness, loss of everyday custody through divorce, sharing custody with even a step-parent, or even infertility, but yet I have been blessed with healthy children and not suffered a loss of this sort either) loss of a church family and friends is another form of loss( I did have to say goodbye to a church family b/c God had other plans for us to move to another, that has been one hard trial.) God scatters His people for His glory to spread and shared and to say goodbye is hard and change is hard. To not have a church or Pastor for a time frame is hard but God is enough, He does lead you through the dessert and the wilderness to where He wants you. I took pride in my church, my friends and never thought this sort of change or sacrifice would be asked, yet He did. He is showing me to have my roots in Him for even though there are many blessings there is suffering but is the sufferings that grow us in Him the most, and it is the sufferings that refine and produce the righteous fruit. It is the pruning the vine dresser does that produces righteous fruit.
I am learning to not to boast, to be content, to be thankful for each moment in God's presence and cherish each day each gift and trial He allows me to have. I am learning to love on and minister to who the Lord has me cross paths with for that day for we know not what tomorrow holds and we have nothing to boast of except that God is Holy God and He is the King, the Judge, the gift giver, the Creator, the only thing we should be desperate for. He should be our portion and we are thankful for the boundary lines He placed for our inheritance is great but it is nothing we deserve but an inheritance of Gracious and Loving Father.

My mother always told me I should be a teacher....


When my mom told me that as I was trying to figure out what to major in when I went to college I scoffed at her. I said "Mom you are a teacher and grandma is a teacher... I don't have to be a teacher like you guys." " How boring"..... My dad said " Teaching is a great job for mom's you have the same holidays and hours as your kids." hmmmm......

God called me to home school at the age of 33... He probably called me sooner but I was not listening... Homeschooling is not what my mom or dad had in mind when they were encouraging me at 18 either. But God's ways are higher and that is why His word says don't lean on your own understanding. I didn't listen to them but at 33 and after many trials I did listen to God. Funny How it was God plan all along. How He was planting seeds along in my heart so in His perfect timing I would be willing and ready to do His Will... As it says in His word, "..man makes his plans but God directs the steps."

Over the years after changing my major several times I had regrets. I wished I had done what my parents suggested and just gotten my education degree. But oh, no my plans were better yet I ended up with 170 credit hours and no degree. The joke was on me. LOL. But even though I have not yet completed my education God is the God of impossible things. He does not call the qualified, He qualifies us and equips us to do His Will... My is that not a huge lesson. My parents always told me not to feel guilty that yes I should have finished but that education was not a waste and I could still use it and apply it. They still would have never guessed what God had planned neither would I. You see I got married and a baby came very fast after before I could finish that degree. But God gave me that man and baby, yet again God loving while I was still a rebellious sinner. What an amazing God we have. His Love is so long suffering and steadfast!! How much He endures on my behalf. So thankful for His mercy and forgiveness this sinner is!!!!

When He called us to home school I still was like well I will take it a year at time. I thought I really could not do the best job. You see I know my heart I know my weaknesses but I had a small view of God and How He does mighty things with our weaknesses b/c He is potter. He knows the plans He has for me and my children. I don't know His plans I am not the Creator and that was my first awakening. Yet again my weak flesh thinking I knew the plan for these children the Lord had given me. I humbled myself and repented and asked if this was His Will to help me to die to myself and stay close to Him.

I have never been so grown, stretched, humbled, blessed, desperate, and fulfilled nor more dependent on the Lord than now at during this time. First of all it has brought our family to a new intimate level with one another. It has grown me spiritually as a wife, mom, and woman and understanding biblical womanhood. I was always very involved when my first born was in school and when my second son was in pre-K, but I was not truly knowing my sons. I was there but not present, I had a relationship with them but didn't know them nor allow them to know me until we started on this journey. I am so thankful at what God has done with my oldest and I and the restoration and growth in our relationship as mother and son. I look forward to his teenage years. I am blessed that God has us do this so both my sons can grow in Him. As my sons learn not only about God but also have a biblical view instead of a worldview. I am blessed as it says that I can encourage them both to guard their hearts..." for it is the wellspring of life". That they can focus on God and school and not be desensitised to the High calling God has for them. " For Fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge; fools despise wisdom and instruction" Proverbs 1:7

The joy of being able to teach my youngest son to read is a joy I can't describe. The Joy of knowing my sons are not ADD and not being labeled. The Joy of learning each sons' learning styles and how they best learn and seeing them excel in hard things. Seeing them excel in subjects that are not their strongest yet finding ways for them to put things in long term memory instead for just testing and being prepared for college at such young ages thrills my heart. The Joy of knowing that God will lead them and guide despite my feeble attempts." For the Lord gives wisdom; from his mouth come knowledge and understanding; he stores up sound wisdom for the upright; he is a shield to those who walk in integrity, guarding the paths of justice and watching over the way of his saints." Proverbs 2;6-8
The peace that my children have when they talk about God and His word when it applies to something in history, science, art, language, and math is incomparable to anything I could ever hope or dream for them. Ephesians 3:19-20.

For my few readers who may wondering why I am writing this? I had to journal before I forget what God has used to bless me. I had to write so on day when I am discouraged I can come back and be reminded. I had to Praise God for all He has done and will do. The other day as my oldest helped my youngest one day with math I was reminded with the warm fuzzy in my heart that I may have never got to see that happen and another moment seeing my youngest teach one of my babysitting kids from a book how to sign language... I just cried. So thankful to have the relationships I have with my husband and boys. So thankful He has brought such closeness to our family. So thankful He has taught me to be biblical in my role as wife and mother. So thankful for all the families He has brought to our lives through homeschooling. So thankful for all the hard lessons and trials. So thankful to be in His Will and see fruit in my sons.

I thought OH, thank you Lord for finding me worthy to have sons, to call me to home school them and to teach them along side the greatest Teacher of all You, O Lord, Our Holy God. Thank you for forgiving me and changing me. Thank You for having plans for me. Thank you for giving parents who prayed even though they did not know Your plans for me, Thank you Lord for giving me grandparents who prayed even though they didn't know Your plans for me, Thank you for great-grandparents I never met but had strong Faith to pray for me. May I continue to pray for the future generations to grow them In Your Word and Truth , so they may be wise as it says in Proverbs 1 and 2 to hear and increase in learning, and understand and obtain guidance treasure only your commandments and seek Your Wisdom and love You and Your word and hide it in hearts. May Your Word plant deep roots in my children's hearts, my grandchildren, and future generations of our family to leave a legacy a of family who loves and worships You. Thank You for planning my journey and helping me have a bigger picture and not be held captive to fear or guilt but equipping me and using me to Your glory as a wife and mother. Thank You for Your Mercy and sending Your Son to save me.

Psalm 16:5-8
Lord you have assigned me my portion, my cup; you have made my lot secure. The boundary lines have fallen in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance. I will praise the Lord who counsels me; even at night my heart instructs me. I have set the Lord always before me. Because he is at my right hand I will not be shaken.


These verses have brought great comfort lately. They say so much. I have a lot of why Lord are you not doing this or that? When are you going to do something? What is your will? I have gone to His word knowing He is faithful and true to His word so alot of my requests are just in His timing, or He has a higher way and better way than what I am praying for. I even prayed for Him to change my desires for those I am praying if it is not His will. He keeps coming back with Just Trust. YOu believe and but you need Me to help your unbelief. Accept the lines I am placing and just praise me for all things that are happening at this time.

Also this verse really says alot about biblical womanhood too. It helps if you are feeling insecure on how to be a godly woman or if you are questioning the boundaries of biblical womanhood. I also have used it to teach my children about the protection of boundaries and the importance of boundaries. Also the true Boundary maker, and we must accept them and follow them with a happy heart.

Boundaries there are many lessons in these verses. It also has been used to teach me to respect others boundaries and when I have overstepped my boundaries to confess and repent and seek the Lord to help me remain in boundaries.

Marshmallows from SCRATCH!!!

We have been doing more family memory making things this year....So Saturday night before Valentine's day we started around 8pm I know crazy time..Our family always starts baking at crazy times. The boys helped too. I am not normally a good baker but my skills are improving. I have always prided that I am cook not a baker. There is a difference but I have always aspired to be a baker...lol. I got the recipe from here http://www.smittenkitchen.com/2009/06/springy-fluffy-marshmallowsspringy-fluffy-marshmallows. I love the blog and her photos are awesome. I am visual person so I love having a place to go and see what and how to do a recipe as well as read it.

Here are pics not as pretty as hers but they did turn out very yummy! They were awesome. I did one batch with some Vanilla and Cinnamon flavor and one with Vanilla and Almond. They were amazing and we all had a blast. There was powdered sugar everywhere for a few days but well worth all the work and fun!!

Sunday is Valentines day..........

I used to hate Valentines day when I was young and single. Then I got okay with it but I was still single. I remember wondering if I would ever marry. I had dates, but after spending a month with someone I knew it was not the right one. I had men that pursued me and thought it was beautiful. I was so arrogant and high maintenance I am amazed the Lord brought someone to my life. I did have one person I dated for a year my first year of college. We fought all the time. I was very strong and independent was not going to be controlled. I wanted my education and career. Looking back he was not my true love he was the one God was using to train me. He ended up leaving and moving away to another state. I was devastated. He wanted me to move with him and leave everything with no guarantees. I was not willing not without a ring. I was 19.

At 22, after many a heart break I met my true love. I was not walking with the Lord like I thought I was but God brought this sweet soul into my life at time I hated men. When we talk about grace and mercy... every time I look at my sweet David I not only see this wonderful man I am married to but What a loving God I have. I was not strong and very much a sinner and very lost but God worked it all out. Don't get me wrong David was not walking with Lord either, but for some reason God showed mercy on us both. David had never really been to church nor even read the bible. At 19 after that horrible breakup I prayed to God a selfish prayer. God I want a man to love, to love me, and to have a family and I want to raise my children in church and be a Christian family. Did I know what I was praying? No. Did I know biblical what God expected out of woman or man? No. Did I have grandparents and parents that raised me in church and prayed for me? Yes. How thankful I am for strong faithful believers in my life who were and are prayer warriors.

Romans 8:26 " In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans words cannot express."

David and I have been married this August 2 for 14 years. Everyone except for my parents thought we would not make it past the first year, but God had other plans. He later saved us, we repented and now walk with God. We both will tell you it is God who has made our marriage work. So, let me tell about the godly man, my Valentine, that God made. God made him to love Him first. God gave him a thirst and love for His word. God made him into a man that loves me as Jesus loves the church. God made him into a man that protects me and holds me accountable to God's word. God is growing him into a loving father. God made him mission minded and Kingdom minded. God made him moldable and teachable. God has made him bold over the past few years. God gave him a servant heart. Anyone that knows my sweet David will say he is one of kindest souls you will meet. Is David perfect? No. Is David being molded into Christ's image by our Faithful loving Father? Yes.

I am truely Grateful to our God for giving me the desires of my heart as it says in the psalms.

As an apple tree so is my beloved among the young men. With great delight I sat in his shadow, and his fruit was sweet to my taste. Solomon 2:3

I got a new CD around Christmas... Casting Crowns. Here is one of my favorite songs. Who am I kidding I love all the songs but felt led to share these two. Mercy and Glorious Day. Go check them out on Youtube. They are awesome. here are some of the lyrics of Mercy that have touched my heart so
"Here I stand a child of Yours Broken and in need of You ,Break these chains and wash my guilt away Healer of my brokenness, My weary soul will find its rest, You are my strength, the lifter of my head ,You’re greater than my yesterdays, You hold me close today, You’re the Lord of my tomorrows My heart will always say You’re greater than my yesterdays You hold me close todayYou’re the Lord of my tomorrowsMy heart will always say..."

God is greater than our yesterdays and our todays and our tomorrows. But He is holding me today and what a strength that is to Have God holding me.. But what a comfort to know He is the lifter of our heads. I love that Psalms. It has such comfort at times when I need peace to rest in Him I do quote that psalm..

Psalm 3:3 But you, O LORD, are a shield about me, my glory, and the lifter of my head.I cried aloud to the LORD, and he answered me from his holy hill.

Psalm 13:5-6 But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation.
I will sing to the LORD, for he has been good to me.

Another one bites the dust....

Well, the hubby came home ill after work today. I felt so bad for him. He never is sick. Then the oldest said "Mom, my stomach is gurgling...", then at 11pm. We hear the dreaded sound of liquid in the toilet... Was it the hubby? No. Was it my oldest son? No. It was the youngest. Poor guy he is so sick. Looks like a long night at the Douglas home. So, while I sit and wait for the oldest to need some help I am going to go read and pray. But as I sit how thankful I am it is just a stomach bug and nothing more serious. My days are numbered to care for family... Soon, the boys will be gone and it will be David and I alone. No, mommy, I need you. How thankful I am for the little things.... well I hear the sounds stirring more vomiting off to wipe the face and sooth with a cool wash cloth.

Psalm 39:4 "LORD, make me to know my end And what is the extent of my days; Let me know how transient I am.

More Snow fun Pics of sledding. Boys are great to have there is always an adventure to be had. David took the boys and some friends to go sledding. I had to stay home so all could fit in the blazer with the limited seating but thank goodness David got some awesome pics. I helped them build the fort today with my daycare kiddos... Emma and Noah were so excited to learn how to roll a snow ball. Landon was so great and patient to show them how to do it too.

What a great way to say goodbye to the melting snow... I must say it has been fun but I am ready for SPRING!!

I

SNOW FUN!!!!!

Sometimes you just got get outside and get down and dirty/ wet and have some fun.

George and Reba....

Well I have a confession to make. I love George Strait and Reba McEntire. I know some of my posts have been a little deep lately but I write this blog for myself mainly... This one is on a lighter note. My sweet hubby was going to try and get tickets to see George and Reba and surprise me but b/c the cost of the tickets were so much he felt led to talk to me first... Then the earthquake happened in Haiti, I told my hubby his thought was so precious and sweet that he wanted to surprise me but... and then he finished my sentence... we just didn't feel we could spend that much money on something while there are so many hurting and suffering.. We found out later the concert sold out in the first hour open.. Not like we would have been able to get tickets anyway but I still got a great gift from my hubby. I was so thankful God has touched my husband to be so romantic and loving growing him into such a loving man, but also to be kingdom minded too, and that He has grown my heart too and we are spiritually united.
I still would love to see George and Reba, but I am content that my husband just thought about doing it and that is why I love him.

Woe to those who call evil good and good evil, who put darkness for light and light for darkness, who put bitter for sweet and sweet for bitter! Woe to those who are wise in their own eyes, and shrewd in their own sight!" (Isaiah 5:20–21).

We are living in a World today that even in the Christian world we are told be tolerant... We are to be gentle and speak in love with one another but I don't think we are to tolerate the Word to be misused. Recently through trials my husband and I found ourselves in battle of or for the Word to be upheld. Who are we to be in this battle? My husband and I by no means think we are in any authority nor do we think we have any wisdom without God giving it to us. Who are we again we ask ourselves? We are Christ followers. In the beginning was the Word and Word was with God, and in the beginning the Word was God.
So why do believers spend so much time just as the Pharisees adding to or changing what the Word says applying man's or woman's understanding and asking what human opinions are of the Word? Why do believers spend so much time fighting for power and persecuting and opposing the men God put in the pulpits to preach the Truth? Because the word says... Jeremiah 17: 9 The heart is deceitful above all things,and desperately sick;who can understand it?10 “I the Lord search the heart and test the mind,bto give every man according to his ways,according to the fruit of his deeds.”
We as Christ followers must read, meditate, and memorize the Word and not seek opinion or what our thoughts but we must Seek the Lord ask Him to reveal what His Word says. We must as the Word says in 2Tim.
2Tim. 7- 26....7Think over what I say, for the Lord will give you understanding in everything.
8Remember Jesus Christ, risen from the dead, the offspring of David, as preached in my gospel, 9for which I am suffering, bound with chains as a criminal. But the word of God is not bound! 10Therefore I endure everything for the sake of the elect, that they also may obtain the salvation that is in Christ Jesus with eternal glory. 11The saying is trustworthy, for:
If we have died with him, we will also live with him;12 if we endure, we will also reign with him;if we deny him, he also will deny us;13 if we are faithless, he remains faithful—
for he cannot deny himself.A Worker Approved by God
14Remind them of these things, and charge them before Goda not to quarrel about words, which does no good, but only ruins the hearers. 15Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved,b a worker who has no need to be ashamed, rightly handling the word of truth. 16But avoid irreverent babble, for it will lead people into more and more ungodliness, 17and their talk will spread like gangrene. Among them are Hymenaeus and Philetus, 18who have swerved from the truth, saying that the resurrection has already happened. They are upsetting the faith of some. 19But God’s firm foundation stands, bearing this seal: “The Lord knows those who are his,” and, “Let everyone who names the name of the Lord depart from iniquity.”
20Now in a great house there are not only vessels of gold and silver but also of wood and clay, some for honorable use, some for dishonorable. 21Therefore, if anyone cleanses himself from what is dishonorable,c he will be a vessel for honorable use, set apart as holy, useful to the master of the house, ready for every good work.
22So flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart. 23Have nothing to do with foolish, ignorant controversies; you know that they breed quarrels. 24And the Lord’s servantd must not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone, able to teach, patiently enduring evil, 25correcting his opponents with gentleness. God may perhaps grant them repentance leading to a knowledge of the truth, 26and they may come to their senses and escape from the snare of the devil, after being captured by him to do his will.

A Prayer for Haiti and for those suffering in Mexico too.

OH Lord, You are mighty, and when we having nothing you are a refuge. You are Provider of all things. Through disaster we cry out to you it shows us that we need a Savior, a King, Jehovah. For you are the one who are Creator. When there is no medical help, no security, no home, only pain and desperation You are Provider. You hear the cries of your people. You never sleep. Your eyes roam to and fro. YOu see all and all is for Your Glory.Remind those who feel left and abandoned that You are faithful. You never leave nor forsake. You are the True Healer, the Great Physician. You love the orphan and the widow and you command your children to care for them. Oh Lord hide those who are in Haiti and Mexico living in fear and confusion to be hidden in shadow of your wings. Be Father, Abba, to those precious children who have no parent. I am so thankful to be able to come to You and pray on their behalf. Be with those who are going to serve them. Be with the missionaries, and the pastors and other believers in the countries to be strengthened in their faith and Trust in You. Remind them they are the apple of your eye. It pains You. You are the Compassionate High Priest. You are Emmanuel God with Us. Remind them You are over all. You will not let the waters overflow them as it says in your word nor the fires consume them. YOu will provide a way in the wilderness, and water in the desert. You abhor evil. YOu are Holy and all things work for Your Glory. You are a God of Mercy, yet You are Just... You will Redeem, Restore and Deliver. Make us into Your likeness let us not be blind to see this as a time to seek You and Your Will and Guidance. Let us also find comfort that You are near and soon we will have no more tears, no more suffering. You are the Keeper of all our tears. You know the hairs on our head. Your plans will not be thwarted. Reign in our lives Oh, Lord!! Let us love others, let us be vessels for You to show Your love through our hands, our prayers, our words, our actions, ...our lives. Let us be doers of Your Word. Let us be satisfied in You and only You. Make us compassionate and willing to sacrifice for You oh, Lord to help those who are in pain and suffering. Let us be doers of the word but also help others see who You are always direct them to see You as Creator, God and King. Forgive me for not being as strong in Trust and guide me to not be complacent, give me Your eyes, Your voice, Your actions, Your heart Lord. I want to be a slave to You. I want my focus to be kingdom focused. This time is only a moment... all things and items can be gone but our eternity is forever. Guide me in How You want to be help these who are suffering and any who cross my path on a daily basis.

Psalm 17:6 I call upon you, for you will answer me, O God;incline your ear to me; hear my words.7 Wondrously show your steadfast love,O Savior of those who seek refuge from their adversaries at your right hand.8 Keep me as the apple of your eye;hide me in the shadow of your wings,9 from the wicked who do me violence,my deadly enemies who surround me.
10 They close their hearts to pity;with their mouths they speak arrogantly.11 They have now surrounded our steps;they set their eyes to cast us to the ground.12 He is like a lion eager to tear,as a young lion lurking in ambush.13 Arise, O Lord! Confront him, subdue him!Deliver my soul from the wicked by your sword,14 from men by your hand, O Lord,from men of the world whose portion is in this life. You fill their womb with treasure;they are satisfied with children,and they leave their abundance to their infants.
15 As for me, I shall behold your face in righteousness;when I awake, I shall be satisfied with your likeness.

Psalm 23:4 - "Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for Thou art with me; Thy rod and Thy staff they comfort me."

Ever had times where you felt you were a reproach to everyone. I have. I don't want to even tell anyone when I have those times, b/c i don't want empty pity or someone just being nice and saying they are my friend b/c they don't want my feelings hurt. I have found friends are even fickle. They are there one day and gone the next. But God is constant. I know no matter who is trying to comfort me only God can. I got this verse today it brought great comfort. I know self-pity is a sin. God is with me and I keep asking Him am I reproach to you. The only thing that matters to me at this time is that I please Him. He meets with me every morning and evening. Yet again I am reminded when we seek Him, He is always there. When I am in His presence I don't feel rejected or insecure, He convicts me of my short sightedness and lack of trust but I don't feel insecure nor rejected like I do by so many others. I have felt so alone with crowds yet in my time with Lord I never have felt alone.

A poem I read today in a devotion...

She came tonight as I sat alone The girl that I used to be. . .And she gazed at me with her earnest eye And questioned reproachfully:"Have you forgotten the many plans And hopes that I had for you?The great career, the splendid fame All the wonderful things to do?""Where is the mansion of stately height With all of its gardens rare?The silken robes that I dreamed for you And the jewels in your hair?"And as she spoke, I was very sad,For I wanted her pleased with me . . .This slender girl from the shadowy past The girl that I used to be.So gently arising, I took her hand,And guided her up the stair Where peacefully sleeping, my babies lay So innocent, sweet and fair.And I told her that these are my only gems,And precious they are to me,That silken robe is my motherhood Of costly simplicity.And my mansion of stately height is love,And the only career I know Is serving each day in these sheltering walls For the dear ones who come and go.And as I spoke to my shadowy guest,She smiled through her tears at me,And I saw that the woman that I am now Pleased the girl that I used to be.—Anonymous

This spoke to me. For years I have wondered where that thin beautiful full of life ready to take on the world had gone. I was glad God had changed me, but to be honest there were some things I missed about her. I have been more insecure, hurt and wounded more than ever I was when I was young. She didn't care what others thought. She was not hurt by others thoughtlessness. She was thoughtless at times though. She didn't even think of what her life said about God. She paid God no attention.

My recent time with the Lord has removed the insecurities by just starting to memorize 2 Peter. I am not worried about impressing that young girl no do I want to remember her. I want to follow the word of God and die to self and be new in Christ. I want to focus on Christ to be the one I am pleasing. Even pleasing other believers is starting to fade. People pleasing is such a struggle for this old sinner. But God is true to His Promises and He does make you new and set you free when you humble yourself and repent and pray. I have said so many times this week O Lord I don't know how I am going to become this biblical woman but I know I don't have to worry or be anxious. You have solved the greatest crisis in my life. You Saved me. You kept me from what I truly deserve and now you are allowing me to know you. I am amazed at how God provides my needs. Not just physical but spiritual. I can Trust that God will allow the Holy Spirit to guide my mouth, my actions and most importantly my thoughts. I am slowly finding how to let go and let God. God I can't control my thoughts no matter how much of the Word I read or memorize but You can O Holy God. You can for what is impossible with man is possible with God. This verse has brought such clarity of who is in charge of me and what He is doing this week I am so thankful He heard my cry and as I repented and drew close to Him. He was near. God is Emmanuel ( god with us).. He is so sympathetic and He knows all our temptations. I am so thankful to Trust in Him making me into the Woman He wants not the woman I think He wants.

2Peter 1:3-11 3His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of him(F) who called us to[c] his own glory and excellence,[d] 4by which he has granted to us his precious and very great promises, so that through them you may become(G) partakers of the divine nature,(H) having escaped from the corruption that is in the world because of sinful desire. 5For this very reason, make every effort to supplement your faith(I) with virtue,[e] and virtue(J) with knowledge, 6and knowledge with self-control, and self-control(K) with steadfastness, and steadfastness with godliness, 7and godliness(L) with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection(M) with love. 8For if these qualities[f] are yours and are increasing, they keep you from being ineffective or(N) unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. 9For whoever lacks these qualities is so nearsighted that he(O) is blind, having forgotten that he was(P) cleansed from his former sins. 10Therefore, brothers,[g] be all the more diligent to make your calling and(Q) election sure, for if you practice these qualities(R) you will never fall. 11For in this way there will be richly provided for you(S) an entrance into the eternal kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

A simple craft to do on a cold cold cold day.... but make sure you have some time to get the wiggles and giggles out after.

We made igloos out of a plastic cup. I cut a door in it and the children iced it with white icing and placed cut up marshmallows on it. You are supposed to use minature ones but all I had were the large ones. It was a fun snack and craft all in one. I have always loved allowing my children to do messy crafts. I have always wanted to be a place where the kids could paint, play with play doh, or do any craft they wanted. My grandmother was that way with me. I loved going to her house in the summer we would do homemade dough and bake it and paint it. We also made Turkeys out of gords at Thanksgiving and many more crafts at differenst seasons. She even taught me how to sketch. She always told me my scribbles were art. I loved her view of things and today I know she would have loved our igloos. I am happy to pass this precious legacy on to my children. Make time to do some art with a child you never know what you are creating or how you are influencing the artist... I am not the most talented I can make good sugar cookies but my icing decorating could use some help, but what matters most is making memories and enjoying children right? A little spilt milk can always be wiped up. It's the time and memories that are priceless. I think I will always be a big kid at heart. I love seeing things through a child's eye they have such better vision than we adults at times.

"Permit the children to come to Me; do not hinder them; for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. 15 "Truly I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child shall not enter it at all." 16 And He took them in His arms and began blessing them, laying His hands upon them. (Mark 10:13-16 NASB)

A New Year....what touch will I leave for God on other's?

As I spoke of in my last post I am reading a book called Feminine Appeal and in it she speaks of making our home express that we love God. What do people see when they visit our home? Do we make our homes helpful to our husbands and comfortable haven for our families. This has been process over the past years in my life. I am continuing to grow in these areas and now I pray for my sons' if it is God's will for them to marry that their wives are being trained in a biblical home. I pray that we are raising our boys to be biblical men. I pray for the Lord to surround us with like minded friends to help us grow in our biblical roles and help encourage our children to grow in those roles as well.

As, I have been studying this past months on my role and praying for my husband and boys. The Lord has guided and answered in many ways by bringing great women into my life.

Last night we had a New Year's eve party. There were 40 people in our home, and 8 girls were in it from the different families. These families are raising their girls to be biblical women. Our Youngest son came walking in " Girls, uh mommy ( I love that he is 9 and still calls me mommy) you are never going to believe what they did to Super Bear..."

I had a very worn tu-tu in his dress up box for the little girls I babysit to wear. In fact I had forgot it was in there and through all the superhero, policeman, fireman, star wars, and armor of God dress up they found the one feminine thing I had which was a pink tu-tu with a feather waistband that was a little ripped, but these wonderful girls made something very beautiful for Super Bear to wear instead of him wearing his Superman outfit.... They made a very beautiful dress, and you would have never known it was a ripped tu-tu... Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Proverbs 31 says.. "She makes coverings for her bed; she is clothed in fine linen and purple." What a precious touch some precious little girl left in our home full of males and superbears...It was such a blessing!

I pray to be a Proverbs 31 woman. I pray for Proverbs 31 women to be in my life as friends, and I also pray for my sons to marry Proverbs 31 women.

What touch do you leave?