A poem I read today in a devotion...

She came tonight as I sat alone The girl that I used to be. . .And she gazed at me with her earnest eye And questioned reproachfully:"Have you forgotten the many plans And hopes that I had for you?The great career, the splendid fame All the wonderful things to do?""Where is the mansion of stately height With all of its gardens rare?The silken robes that I dreamed for you And the jewels in your hair?"And as she spoke, I was very sad,For I wanted her pleased with me . . .This slender girl from the shadowy past The girl that I used to be.So gently arising, I took her hand,And guided her up the stair Where peacefully sleeping, my babies lay So innocent, sweet and fair.And I told her that these are my only gems,And precious they are to me,That silken robe is my motherhood Of costly simplicity.And my mansion of stately height is love,And the only career I know Is serving each day in these sheltering walls For the dear ones who come and go.And as I spoke to my shadowy guest,She smiled through her tears at me,And I saw that the woman that I am now Pleased the girl that I used to be.—Anonymous

This spoke to me. For years I have wondered where that thin beautiful full of life ready to take on the world had gone. I was glad God had changed me, but to be honest there were some things I missed about her. I have been more insecure, hurt and wounded more than ever I was when I was young. She didn't care what others thought. She was not hurt by others thoughtlessness. She was thoughtless at times though. She didn't even think of what her life said about God. She paid God no attention.

My recent time with the Lord has removed the insecurities by just starting to memorize 2 Peter. I am not worried about impressing that young girl no do I want to remember her. I want to follow the word of God and die to self and be new in Christ. I want to focus on Christ to be the one I am pleasing. Even pleasing other believers is starting to fade. People pleasing is such a struggle for this old sinner. But God is true to His Promises and He does make you new and set you free when you humble yourself and repent and pray. I have said so many times this week O Lord I don't know how I am going to become this biblical woman but I know I don't have to worry or be anxious. You have solved the greatest crisis in my life. You Saved me. You kept me from what I truly deserve and now you are allowing me to know you. I am amazed at how God provides my needs. Not just physical but spiritual. I can Trust that God will allow the Holy Spirit to guide my mouth, my actions and most importantly my thoughts. I am slowly finding how to let go and let God. God I can't control my thoughts no matter how much of the Word I read or memorize but You can O Holy God. You can for what is impossible with man is possible with God. This verse has brought such clarity of who is in charge of me and what He is doing this week I am so thankful He heard my cry and as I repented and drew close to Him. He was near. God is Emmanuel ( god with us).. He is so sympathetic and He knows all our temptations. I am so thankful to Trust in Him making me into the Woman He wants not the woman I think He wants.

2Peter 1:3-11 3His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of him(F) who called us to[c] his own glory and excellence,[d] 4by which he has granted to us his precious and very great promises, so that through them you may become(G) partakers of the divine nature,(H) having escaped from the corruption that is in the world because of sinful desire. 5For this very reason, make every effort to supplement your faith(I) with virtue,[e] and virtue(J) with knowledge, 6and knowledge with self-control, and self-control(K) with steadfastness, and steadfastness with godliness, 7and godliness(L) with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection(M) with love. 8For if these qualities[f] are yours and are increasing, they keep you from being ineffective or(N) unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. 9For whoever lacks these qualities is so nearsighted that he(O) is blind, having forgotten that he was(P) cleansed from his former sins. 10Therefore, brothers,[g] be all the more diligent to make your calling and(Q) election sure, for if you practice these qualities(R) you will never fall. 11For in this way there will be richly provided for you(S) an entrance into the eternal kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.